I am Once Again Asking You to Stop Googling Me
Bottom Betch Issue #1: Imagine if you addressed every post and tweet directly to your Ma.
Dear Ma,
Back in the days when it was just you and me against the world, I couldn’t foresee the consequences of teaching you how to use Google to spy on dad. I was as afraid as you were that he would never come home. You were my best friend, despite how much our personalities clash. That’s what makes it so hard to self-censor. I want to share my partners, my friends, and my accomplishments with my best friend. Instead, I’ve tried to only share with you a digestible version of myself. I am sorry that someone from your past doxed me.
Big Brother or Big Ma?
We live in a strange era where it feels like we are being watched by a lurking Ma at all times. Yet, we tend to carry out our lives with only a vague awareness that our online activity is being monitored by big corporations. It wasn’t until Instagram recently updated their terms of service that many of us felt the impact of watchdog legislation such as the Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act and the Stop Enabling Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA-SESTA) .
Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act of 1996 created immunity for internet service providers from their users’ actions and posts. FOSTA-SESTA, signed into law in April 2018, removes this immunity in potential sex trafficking and prostitution cases. The law, however, conflates nonconsensual sex work with all forms of sexual expression. FOSTA-SESTA’s vague legal framework has resulted in the unprecedented deletion of accounts of consensual sex workers, sex educators, sex therapists, and anyone with a big butt on the Internet.
Ma, you’ve listened to my panic about this doomsday for months but you didn’t hear me — like the first time I came out to you as bi and you thought it was a joke. You don’t have to agree with my life choices. But maybe the part of you that raised me to unapologetically love myself can learn to love the parts of me that you seek to censor. Maybe you can see that in my writing, I try to embody the Christian values you taught me. The crosses I’ve carried help me heal others and prevent them from suffering the ways I did. The ways you did too.
You Told Me So
I would be remiss if I didn’t admit you were right about some things. Remember what you asked me the second time I came out as bi? How can you ever be happy with one partner if you like both? The “greedy bisexual” is a terrible stereotype that belittles our attraction to multiple genders to sex. But it turns out I am also polyamourous. Recently, I have been discovering that my partner and I function well with one boyfriend and girlfriend (I am putting myself in this category) each. We are also building an extended poly-family of incredibly fluid and loving playfriends. Ma, even you appreciate that I found a partner I consider my “equal” and our commitment to hold each other accountable to grow in the relationship and as separate people. Thank you for meeting him virtually on Thanksgiving. Hopefully one day you will be open to meeting my special lady friend.
You were also right about the raging narcissists I dated, who ultimately took advantage of or otherwise harmed me. I am sorry I didn’t listen to you when you were only trying to love me. But instead of fighting violence with more violence, what I really needed was to feel safe. I needed my best friend. We could still be best friends if you stopped Googling me, and if you accepted that this bi, poly hoe loves you.